I told myself that I should write once a month.

Baaahhh~ It's March 2015 now.

And for the past few months, what have I been feeling?
Love.

Love, amongst the many meanings in Collins online dictionary, is:
1. (transitive verb) to have a great attachment to and affection for
2. (transitive verb) to have passionate desire, longing, and feelings for
3. (transitive verb) to like and desire  (to do something) very much
4. (transitive verb) to make love to
5. (intransitive verb) to be in love
6. (noun) a. an intense emotion of affection, warmth, fondness, and regard towards a person or thing
6. (noun) b. (as modifier) j love song, love story
7. a deep feeling of sexual attraction and desire
8. wholehearted liking for or pleasure n something
(above are extracted from http://www.collinsdictionary.com/dictionary/english/love?showCookiePolicy=true)

I would say,"an intense emotion of affection, warmth, fondness, and regard towards a person or thing" would be appropriate, at least from my perspective. Intense is subjective and I'd say that it is unnecessary. The ultimate intense love we have should be intended only for Allah, Our Merciful Creator. I mentioned previously that letting go is part of attaining inner peace, and I am getting better at letting go now (hurrah!).

Letting go has always been one of my major (unsettled) issues and so I pondered how do I start to willingly and calmly let go of anything that is "toxic" to me? Since this post is retrospect of my thoughts, I practiced to see how I can manage myself.

I contacted Madrid, a guy I used to date. We are in friendzone state now. I poured a couple of my very personal matters to him (yeah I feel comfortable with him that way). We almost went out, alone after not seeing him for 2 years now. Madrid is someone with a lot of care and patience in him. We went for dinner, I felt at ease.

At the end of the whole thing, it was ok. And I know I have learnt and understood what it means to let go. Many have told me they have do not have attachment problem but actually failed to do it. It is not easy. But it is not impossible.

Don't give up, Aisah. Don't stop doing what you are doing.

"You have moved on and let go when you can face your past, good or bad, at ease and peacefully".


Ahmar
p.s: this is really bad writing.