Because the ugliest past can be the most beautiful thing

Journey to find inner peace eh.

I feel like my brain is working on a Homer-mode thinking on what to write. D'oh!
I was a little pressured to write something good. But I forgot that I am not a writer and my writing, well.... Lets not talk about it, shall we? I shall continue writing regardless.

I almost went berserk a couple of weeks ago thanks to the endless demands from work and personal stress.

Teary Friday that ended with a smile. Blessed I am to have my best friend (oh she's a doll), Ironman and friends who made me smile and feel better. I felt loved and peaceful - a good and the most appropriate feeling to welcome Saturday.

Saturday, a friend's solemnization. The couple had a beautiful intimate private event, witnessed by friends and family. For someone who is afraid of commitment, they showed me how beautiful it is to go through life journey in the arms of their other half. It was indeed a beautiful and memorable event I felt lucky to witnessed.

Sunday was a friend's birthday. Someone I used to date. I have a habit to not keep in touch with anyone I dated. But I guess Madrid made me see that it is fine to be friends with people we dated. We had a few exchanges - platonic exchanges. He still laugh at my antics. I asked him about his current relationship and we talked about other things. Surprisingly, I felt fine. I did not miss him, hate him etc despite we did not end it well.

And it occurred to me later in the day, while showering, that if I try hard enough to let go and forgive not only my past but myself, I see the beauty of it. Talking to Madrid gave me the realization that I thought (and posted in facebook),"Because being able to still talk to people from your past at ease shows that you have happily moved on, and of course reflects maturity."

Letting go and to forgive are fundamentals in inner peace. Simple fundamentals that are forgotten in a blink of the eye. Easily overcome by the very atom of impurity in the heart. That is some thing I really have to work on. A huge weakness pointed out by many. To have knowledge without execution is crippling. Why hold on to things when Allah said the world is but a temporary place? Didn't He taught us to believe in qada' & qadar? That everything we see are never ours to begin with? So why do I hold on to things? Reflect and ponder is a start. What should I do to execute?

Learning point: To love and redha overcomes holding back. Let go of everything, forgive myself & my past, love all around.

Should I set a deadline to change myself or take it easy?

Bubbles & Lollipops
Ahmar

First and yet non-virgin post

First and yet non-virgin post.

Indeed.

The blog address remains the same, only the contents have been reset back to square one. Reformatted. Restart. A new phase in life where bygone be bygone, adios to old sad negative rants and welcome a new breath of fresh positive, or maybe trying to be, posts.

No more whining, hopefully.
No more bitching, from a lady, I'll try.
Only about facts of life observed through these still clouded lenses and sight. Well my spectacles lenses are covered with my fingerprints now.

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Lenses, wiped.

And why focus on inner peace? Inner peace in my own definition is the calmness of your heart and soul. The kind that quietly shouts happiness reflected in your eyes, influential and contagious to people around you. The kind that sparks laughter in sadness and pain and gives joy when you need love the most.

Cheem eh?

It is indescribable. You just feel it. You will also feel that you are close to Allah. You don't feel alone and you do not need anything worldly because Allah is all you need.

Finding inner peace was forgotten after I started working in my current job. Life got a tad haywire. I went to Mount Kinabalu to getaway and try something different. Definitely felt peaceful. You are surrounded by nature but I was still not satisfied. That's not a good sign but I did not take heed. Until my really good friend decided to leave Singapore on search of inner peace.

That got me thinking and just by thinking, it felt right. Allah moved my heart.

As I am writing this, I am observing my fast and watching World Cup 2014 in a couple of hours. Blessed I am to be reflecting and coming to a realization this wonderful holy month. Terawih on the first week of Ramadhan did not feel enough. I started to feel emotional and confused. It was a bad sign. I decided to go to Al-Falah mosque for my break fast and terawih, I felt a little calm. Allah opened my heart. I started reading the Al-Quran out loud. There I was starting to feel peaceful.

This will be a new journey for me.
Will I be able to pace myself to sustain looking for inner peace?
Will I be astray by the whispers of syaitan?

Hope the posts will be a reminder to me.

#blessed I feel, #blessed I am

Ahmar