the average geRLLLL

My Heart Aches

2011-03-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

Dear Allah,

I am really at lost now. I really do not know how to feel and what to do.
I have a father who contradicts everything he teaches and preaches.
I have a mother who does not make any change or upgrade but whines on everything.
I have brother who does not fulfill his responsibilities as a brother at all.
I have two younger sisters. One trying to start living her own life, the other, lost in her own world, getting everyone in the family into trouble. She is another Gen Y who does not have brains, not street smart and does whatever she wants. She does not give a damn to my mom's advise, even scolding. She really thinks that she's all that. She lies so often, and comfortable lying to my mom and the whole family.

I really do not know what to do.
Everything I do is wrong.
Everything seems like there are no blessings in my life.
I am so sad that I have no one to talk to.
That is why I am talking to you. Hoping that you could send someone to help me in these hard times. I am no longer that confident girl I used to be. I am very lost.

Why are there no justice in this world anymore?

Oh Allah, please help me.

If there is anyone who could assist in facilitating me on how to solve problems, please drop me an email to nor_ahmar21@yahoo.co.uk .......

I am in need of help..

aisah

2010-07-13T09:01:00.003+08:00

Oh my life is in such entangled distortion right now. Once again, I feel very lost. No direction of my next step. I don't seem to be able to prioritize my own needs and wants. I still got to work on my Discipline Department.

I drag to work in the morning. I missed my subuh, again. I am fasting today, insya-Allah. I feel sucky. I feel so stress. My head hurts.

My will power has gone down the drain since I started working. I guess it must be the influence around me and the change in my life. Of course, my oh-so-needed to change myself. Now that I've changed, I am whining. It has been a very very good change. Every change have some compromising.

I drag to work in the morning. I missed my subuh, again. I am fasting today, insya-Allah. I feel sucky. I feel so stress. My head hurts.

Now I do not know what I want or need. Cause it's all jumbled up like broken pieces of jigsaw puzzle. Frustrating that I can put any kind of puzzle together but not my life. It has not fallen apart. It's just that my scales are tilted. Such a typical libran. With no strong ground, I'm pretty easily influenced of what others are doing.

I drag to work in the morning. I missed my subuh, again. I am fasting today, insya-Allah. I feel sucky. I feel so stress. My head hurts.

Recently, I watched Harriet The Spy from HBO. The movie made me want to write. I watched Julie & Julia, and I want to start cooking but only very few dishes that I have tried. I see my good friend in chiffon tops, I want to start wearing chiffon-material tops. *a big sigh*

I drag to work in the morning. I missed my subuh, again. I am fasting today, insya-Allah. I feel sucky. I feel so stress. My head hurts.

Ramadhan come quick. I need that month to figure my life out.

ahmar

Ages

2010-05-30T00:12:00.002+08:00

Ahhhh.. Duo de rosario con antonio carmona.. La cancion es El Sitio De Mi Recreo.. That song has been my lullaby to sooth my uneasy heart. That song made me miss many people, loads. Yeah, I'm playing the song over and over again.. so soothing..

Oh well.. It has been ages since I posted something here. I am trying not to post anything online now but I guess no harm once in a while.

Guess what I did not attend two of my friends' events again. I realized that either I forget these events or I choose not to go. I hate myself for a long time now. But I ain't changing meself.

I went on a date, well supposedly hang out, last Saturday. It made me realized that I really do not want to settle down or tied down. Sticking to the same person makes me feel agitated and pissed, especially if that someone is bloody clingy. But I shouldn't be worrying. I never give him hope. I have made it clear. NO! *he is not the one*

another one on my plate.. my sister is giving the whole family another problem again.. its not even a challenge anymore.. a problem.. yes, that negative.. honestly, she is such a bimbo.. she has no stand for herself, don't even know what she wanna do, just go with the flow without thinking, can't even study well.. she can only dance and make her face up.. only bimbos do that.. im so pissed.. i feel like demanding everything that ive spent on her.. those money spent on her to make her happy and give the things i can never have.. and well, thats wat she wants.. haiz.. urgh! i do not need or deserve this, bitch!

hate you so much now.. i give up on you..

ahmar

Everybody's gonna love today, love today, love WEEKEND!

2010-01-22T09:54:00.003+08:00

It's the end of the working week for me. Mentally going through my to-do list.. Let's see.........

1) Bags (ok lah for the sake of Barca, a bag)
2) Shoes
3) DVDs
4) Sisters
5) Food
6) Cooking
7) Sleep (necesito mucho)
8) La Espanol

Alamak.. Macam a lot of things to do.. Well, at most I'll just sleep..

No, wait! I can't do that. I gotta start planning out my first ever mini biography. Not much facts I have now but I guess with what I have, I know him well enough. And we're within proximity. I can just pop-by anytime and bug with more questions. *giggles*

Oh you don't know how much I want this week to end.

Work has been fantabulously crazy this week. But it made me realized how dangerous menopause can be if ladies can't fight the hormonal tsunami. Menopause. Interesting. My mum is going through menopause. But her tsunami days are long gone. I have to face the tsunami period again with my colleague. She is strong though. Oh well, I gotta go through it someday. But for now, Ms Weekend, thank you for welcoming me early! =D

ahmar

I Gotta Feelin' Ooh Ooh

2010-01-20T00:33:00.002+08:00

I have always wanted to write well, be it in Malay or English. I feel that writing is the best way to express myself. I can be "heard" and understood. But writing a novel? Hmmm.. My imagination is on the low right now. I think I am able to come up with the idea but I do not have the time. Yikes! To write a fantastic novel, I feel that I got to "get lost" in my own world, stimulating my dead brain to be colorfully imaginative especially with my words. I am not focusing a lot on the choice of words, rather the use of "enticing" adjectives. Quirky and funny adjectives will stimulate the readers' mind. *Not like I have many. None actually. giggles*

And so I tried, still trying though, to understand writers. Their style of writing, their use and choice of adjectives, their ideas and their thinking process. I asked around, like my mum and Guru. I was hit with so much inspiration that I thought, "Hey! Since I am better conveying facts, why not write a biography?!"

At this point of time, I am really excited to just get on with it. Well, yeap, I have found the person I have thought of writing about. Not me, duh~ Not my mum, but Guru. I googled for tips and ways to write a biography. Still looking and studying the correct ways and technic though. My aim is to write in creatively, potraying this burst of energy Guru has in him. *hehe* Nope he doesn't know.

My challenges are many. Time is of the essence here. Though Guru and I are within proximity, let's face it, I know I got tonnes of work to finish. So I will randomly ask questions from little things to major events which occured in his life. I feel that Guru has a very interesting past, present and future. May Allah bless him and his family. Now this is no. 3 Work-In-Progress.

**Reminder to Ahmar:**
1) Save tonnes of money for Barca
2) Cook once a month
3) A mini biography of Guru
4) Clase de espanol

This should keep me busy and happy. 3 out of 4 requires money. *sweating and biting fingernails*

Oh Allah, I have four worldy wishes for this year. The above are by Your will. If it happens, it happens.

ahmar

Pain Pain Pain

2010-01-06T09:26:00.003+08:00

I am very much in pain now.

My body is aching, headache since last week and eyes strained cause of my headache. Gosh, I had a happy start to 2010 with family. Within days, I'm already in pain.

Now, there are so much to clear at work that I really cannot take it. Oh Allah, please show me to a new job with better pay. Show me the light..

Everything is happening in a flash, so suddenly, so fast, instantaneously in a blink of the eye.

I need to breathe. I need to be compensated for all these.

I am very sad.

ahmar

New Beginnings

2010-01-03T13:28:00.002+08:00

Biographies have never failed to inspire me not only to be different and try new things, but to dare to fail. I watched Julie & Julia again yesterday afternoon. Once again, the movie inspired me to cook. The way Julia Child discover her love for food and cooking was amazing. And how Julie Powell cooked just to get away from everything and felt the assurance, was amazing too. Of course, watching them cook oh-so-passionately made me hungry. *giggles*

So I have decided to religiously start trying new dish every month.

First stop, Chicken Croquettes. I have posted the recipe at http://ahmar-loves-food.blogspot.com/ .. I created the food blog, well just because and of course for the love of food.

I shall set a deadline for myself. At the end of 2010, I must complete at least 30 new recipes. 30 sound very small but I think it is a very good start for me to go against my hectic schedule. Cooking is indeed therapeutic and I can spread my love to everyone through my food.

Well, Good Luck to me!

Next on my list is Spanish class. I am praying hard that my plans to Barca come true. I feel envious that my friend went to Barca for a business trip. How I wish that was me. I could hear the Catalans from the locals, see the different kind of tapas (food again), the night life, the beach, practice my "rusted" Spanish, go to Camp Nou!! and also, visit castles and the history of Catalina, if she were at Barca. So many things I can do there. So my investment to take up Spanish will be worthwhile should I go to Barca. No, it will not go to waste even if I do not go to Barca. It is a language that I appreciate. I can escape to my own world by listening to Spanish songs, especially flamencos and of course, David Bisbal (mi amor). *giggles*

Nothing is impossible. What I have learnt from past inventors is always give it a shot. You will never know what's in store for you.

ahmar

A Year in Review

2009-12-21T01:15:00.006+08:00

2009 has been harsh on me. I was and am still affected by the economy downturn. But who wasn't? It has, however, no impact on my spending. Sad to say, huh? I feel sorry for myself for the lack of discipline. It was too late by the time I realized it, well, year end is here. Of course, I know, I have to do something about myself.

Not being a fan of New Year Resolutions, and too ego to admit that it is, I am planning to be more disciplined in 2010. I am going to have more responsibilities from work and family.

I am, however, going to miss 2009. Friendships strengthened, the laughter, the joy, the love, the lessons learnt. Thank you, Allah for leading me the way to God-Mother, Ibu. Ibu has been one of the bestest person i've ever met in my entire life. Kata Ibu, mesti lah keibuan. I feel that she has taught me a gazillion things which many people did not teach me. She taught me love, family, sharing, forgiveness, being positive not matter what the circumstances were, and of course, happiness. So much she has given and provided to many of her godchildren. May Allah bless her always with good health, wealth, iman. Love u, Ibu!

As it has been a harsh 2009, lots of bad memories scarred me. Let's not talk about it anymore. Remember Ahmar, OPTIMISM is the key to happiness, love and looking youthful! But amidst all the negative things i have been through, Cousin T was thee for me. She may not always be there 24/7 but she never fails to bring me back to reality. My life would be even more sucky without her. Thank you, Allah. She has opened my eyes to see that the world has a gazillion opportunity that i can grab.

Now, for other sweet & happy memories......

Being chairman for the first time and extra special help from my committee, my department won Best Department for X'mas Competition 2009. That, I can say, a sweet and perfect ending to my ugly 2009. Something to smile about these few days. Now thinking of becoming Guru's disciple.. I think he will say yes.. hehe~

Of course X'mas is always sweet. X'mas = presents! Gave loads, received loads too! =D Tell me who doesn't like presents! Thanks everyone for their presents!

2009.. what else.. Ah yes, more plays and theaters.. lovely~ More and more tickets now.. hehe..

wooh! a lot more.. i feel blessed..

This what I want to do in 2010:
1) Take up spanish lessons
2) To go Barcelona
3) Save more money
4) Cook more, by accomplishing it monthly (cook and blog)

hehe..

i'll try

ahmar

Frustrations, Frustrations and More Frustrations

2009-11-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

I decided to given this entry a tittle. But looking at the title, I guess many would have expected it.

Nevertheless, I will still blog about it.

I was given the opportunity to lead a project. It is simple and small but big results are the target for the department. This is a big opportunity for me. If I make it, I will do well than now.

I was looking for materials for the project and hopefully to be inspired in the midst of the process so that I will get more ideas. Well, yeap, I got very stressed and frustrated.

I started off well. I impressed many with something that I thought was just a simple email. I thank Allah that I have that talent and groomed by my Creative Guru. I am amongst the creative ones in the office. *Confession: I feel that I am second to my Creative Guru. But I may be wrong.*

I applied was being taught to this project. My biggest challenge is managing people. That was the first thing that hit my head when I was told to co-chair this project. I managed to squeeze my brains to plan and strategize. But strategizing is my no. 2 biggest area which I need to look at. I got so nervous the day before the meeting that I went to Mentor 2 for consultation. I asked Mentor 2 for some advice on managing people. I thank Allah that she was very kind and very helpful. I was or should I say, I am still at lost on managing people. A bit of a cculture shock for me.

'Cause the position I am holding now, very junior position. To switch from doing the work to leading the work is pretty shocking for me. And so the first meeting and beginning of the project went well.

I managed to consult Mentor 1. yes, she was amongst those who were impressed. *Oh thank you Allah* I love her for this. She educated me a lot in soft skills. Too bad I'm not in her team. She told me many. Yes, I am comfortable with her that I can share many things.

These are reminders for me:
- There is no need to please others but there is no need to offend.
- This project can either make you or break you.
- This project gives you the opportunity to learn on how to manage people.
- Before any meeting, must plan *I knew this, I even rehearse mentally*
- Monitor, Follow-up
- Once there is improvement, it does not matter what my bosses and others think cause I've done it.
- Have fun in everything you do.
- Don't do it to proof my boss wrong.
- Think of my team and learn from the process.
- Must check "blind spot".

Now, I am so lost on the next step of this project. I am really trying very hard to apply what was advised to me. I am very frustrated that I do not know my next move. Usually I do know what I want and what to do. But this project is too much of mental challenge.

I know I can do it. I know that there are key people in this project. I agree that I am being "gan cheong spider" but I am left with three weeks or less to put up everything and turn myself arouond.

So what? So what if I got three weeks? Why am I not up to the challenge? So what if others hate but ultimately I can do it? I know I can. I have to be positive about it. I am positive about all this.

I must have fun.

ahmar

Fame! i wanna live forever!

2009-09-11T00:46:00.002+08:00

fame is such a good song. itching in my head.

oh well.. made plans for the weekend but no can do.. gotta stay home help momma.. haiz.......
i've been pretty anti-social for quite a long time now and i'm getting into the comfort zone..

comfort zone are bad for me.. cause it means no growth or development..

bad.. bad..

my friend has not reply my msgs.. d

2009-09-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

4th Sept 2009

Dinner with pinkz.
I had to admit that it was a bit of a disappointment. Wolverine had to cancel the dinner at around 5.50pm. Called by his boss to fly to Darwin and his flight was at 10pm.

Yes, he owe us dinner.

But it was great meeting up with the rest though. We are not always together but we are going through the same situation. All are job hunting.

Was watching Pinkiez I made sometime back, made me miss them a lot more. Uploading the video now and to share with them again. It is amazing how each of us are fated and have some connection in the past and we all meet in SIM.

I love my Pinkiez.

Niwei.......

I have always been in the dark about my past. After what has happened to my family, I felt that I just can't look back and forgive anything that happened or anyone who has made a mistake. I feel that I have lost every single one of my friends whom I have known back in poly. Maybe except for one or two. i feel that I am still not ready to meet the world or to try new things. This is not me. I don't know why I feel so scared to face the world. I have been avoiding gatherings, weddings etc. I am scared that people would still be competitive. I have changed a lot. Doesn't everyone?

Yes, I am more vain now. I am the opposite of who I was back then. I am more scared of things and I still can't bring myself to face the world.

Yesterday, I text one of my friends asking how he was. Again, I feel that he is gone. I am sad. Sad that I realized that there was never any friendship to begin with. You know who you are. If you are reading this, I really don't know what I have done to you. I've always treated you as my good friend and not more than that.

I should just give up being in touch with the past. I do miss all of you. Yes, every single one of you. It is my fault that I am still scared of the world and still not ready to meet anyone.

I'm sorry.

aisah

OOOOoooo

2009-09-01T00:24:00.003+08:00

It's been ages since i last rant.

Anger..

I got loads of them..

Kakak said that she had lots of anger when she was my age..

I'm starting to cool my anger off..

I shall take a day at a time..

Even if it's difficult, I must try..

The moment I got a new job, *BAM!* I'm leaving the Company..

May this Ramadhan help me through this tough journey.. I gotta be brave to face it..
By Allah's will, I will do well this Ramadhan.. Amin..

Anywayssssssss..

I was told a piece of news which I do not know how to take it..
To be positive makes me evil,
To be negative, errrmmm, not so good to be negative eh..
My instincts are telling me to be positive about it but the last time I was positive about something like this, it went down south.. I have not told anyone about this and i plan to keep it that way.. Readers, if you are confused, I am doing a good job.. hehe..
"Two loves i have, of comfort and despair.. Which love do you suggest me still.."

Only by Allah's will that my prayers will be answered.. Oh how I am so impatient! I have got to learn to be very very patient..

Well, maybe for once i shall shut up.. Am I shutting up?
hehe..

I gotta go to bed now.. Tomorrow a new day, same shit..

Oh Allah pls bless me and protect me form harm..

Amin....

2009-06-27T13:51:00.002+08:00

this has been the cruelest month i've ever faced.

here my mum confiding to me with all her sadness, but does not want to do anything about it despite me giving her suggestions and plans..

my sister have been hard on me too but she does not listen to my mum as well.. when being corrected, she would never admit..

the least that ppl can do is listen and understand me.. i feel that i do not have a family.. all they want when they look for me is money..

i have been very very very extremely tired cause of work and family.. i have not gotten a break..

i feel like ending my life

MJ passed away and many remembers him..

but i bet when i go, many wont give a damn..

aisah

2009-06-24T00:17:00.002+08:00

ya know, it's hard to be the eldest daughter in the family. i have to be there in all crisis.

and at this very moment, i am absolutely stressed up.

i'm stress bout work, bout friends and my family.
my dad has never gave my mum any moral support. just an hour ago, we had mother-daughter talk and she teared talking to me. it really breaks my heart to see mummy like that. she could only talk to me because she knows that i am the only one at home who understands her.

i really can't take this pressure anymore. i dont know what else i can do to ease my mum's depression. and here i am at the verge of breaking apart.

Oh Allah, pls help me.

ahmar

2009-06-15T00:23:00.004+08:00

It has been a tiring week. I have been taking cab to work every single day. *gasp* My wallet is at red alert now. Luckily i have some savings. But i have got to save more. Too many things i have not done and work is getting really bored. The volume is 100-storey high and no improvements from management. Anyway, i must bear in mind to save more. It is not about being cheap. In this economy and high-prone natural disaster world, we have to spend less and think of the rainy days. Thank Allah i have not been shopping a lot lately. My shopping spree has cut down to at least 50%. hee hee.. gosh i miss those days. I dont have the storage anyways..

Friday was a very sad week for me. My confidante, mentor, guru etc has resigned. The two of us felt so much for each other that we cried instantaneously the moment i gave her a goodbye gift. We did not have to say a word. We just teared and she teared when she say goodbye. I am going to miss her a lot. She was one of the reasons i stayed with my job. Now I really got to take care of myself in the office. Bullies are all over. They are all over like ants. EEewwww.. that includes the two bosses. I dont even wanna akcnowledege them.

Today, Sunday, my first family day with the Company. Once again, my banner made me feel happy. They were forcing me to wear T-shirts but gosh the weather was very very hot and burning. We had fun with the waters *hee hee* and taking pictures and of course cheering for our business banners. It was hell of a fun time. Ooh OOH! Don't forget the kids. So adorable. One of them got lost. haha. Long story. All the cheerleaders were great.

I was looking at the pictures taken by Amber and gosh i desperately need to lose weight. So what if i got the hourglass figure? I am oversize. Goodness. Ok I know, I have been in denial but there are so many good food around.. Haizz.. First step, say no to fried food, esp fries. hehe..

I will fast well this year. Amin. With Allah's blessing, HE will consider granting my wishes. Good health and prosperity and loads of blessings. I'll be very happy to get one of those from HIM. But Allah, may i get the loads-of-blessings? Only HE knows. Amin.

Ok Ok.. Strategy now. Food are good. Good food brings good mood. Hee hee.. See the connection? Ok Ok.. maybe i should eat more sushi and double my fruits and vege intake. Take the stairs whenever my back is not aching. Eat Less, Walk More, Exercise More. hehe..

I can Do IT!!

Good bye-bye fries.. Good bye-bye KFC.. Hello KFC salad.. Good bye-bye MacD.. Good bye-bye fried food. All in the hips.. Yeah mE!!

ahmar

2009-06-07T01:54:00.002+08:00

REMINDER FOR MYSELF

A Beautiful Hadith Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'When a man dies and his relatives are busy in funeral, there stands an extremely handsome man by his head. When the dead body is shrouded, that man gets in between the shroud and the chest of the deceased. When after the burial, the people return home, 2 angels, Munkar and Nakeer(names of two special Angels), come in the grave and try to separate this handsome man so that they may be able to interrogate the dead man in privacy about his faith. But the handsome man says, 'He is my companion, he is my friend. I will not leave him alone in any case. If you are appointed for interrogation, do your job. I cannot leave him until I get him admitted into Paradise '. Thereafter he turns to his dead companion and says, 'I am the Qur'an, which you used to read, sometimes in a loud voice and sometimes in a low voice. Do not worry. After the interrogation of Munkar and Naker, you will have no grief. When the interrogation is over, the handsome man arranges for him from Al-Mala'ul A'laa (the angels in Heaven) silk bedding filled with musk. Rasulullah (Sallallahu alaihe wasallam) said: 'On the Day of Judgement, before Allah, no other Intercessor will have a greater status than the Qur'an, neither a Prophet nor an angel.'

The one who disdains prayers (Salat) will receive Fifteen punishments from Allah.

Six punishments in this lifetime :Three while dying, Three in the grave & Three on the Day of Judgment.

THE SIX PUNISHMENTS OF LIFE :
1. Allah takes away blessings from his age (makes his life misfortunate)
2. Allah does not accept his plea (Dua's)
3. Allah erases the features of good people from his face.
4. He will be detested by all creatures on earth.
5. Allah does not reward him for his good deeds. (No thawab)
6. He will not be included in the Dua's of good people.

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS WHILE DYING :
1. He dies humiliated.
2. He dies hungry.
3. He dies thirsty. Even if he drinks the water of all seas he will still be thirsty.

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS IN THE GRAVE :
1. Allah tightens his grave until his chest ribs come over each other.
2. Allah pours on him fire with embers.
3. Allah sets on him a snake called 'the brave', 'the bold' which hits him from morning until afternoon for leaving Fajr prayer, from the afternoon until Asr for leaving Dhuhr prayer and so on. With each strike he sinks 70 yards under the ground.

THE THREE PUNISHMENTS ON THE DAY OF JUDGMENT :
1. Allah sends who would accompany him to hell pulling him on the face.
2. Allah gives him an angry look that makes the flesh of his face fall down.
3. Allah judges him strictly and orders him to be thrown in hell.

THOSE WHO DO NOT SAY THEIR PRAYERS OF:

FAJR : the glow of their face is taken away.

ZUHR : the blessing of their income is taken away.

ASR : the strength of their body is taken away.

MAGHRIB : they are not benefited by their children.

'ISHA : the peace of their sleep is taken away

taken from a blog from someone's multiply

ahmar

2009-05-24T23:51:00.002+08:00

urgh!! great singapore sale is here!! so much to shop so little money!! haiz.. i cant stop planning for my travels and kept forgetting i need to save some substantial amount of moolahs for rainy days.. what i have saved so far is not enough.. there can never be enough money and there can never be enough shoes!!!!!!!! must have shoes!! must save moolahs!!

i have to set my priorities straight.. MUST SAVE MONEY!! i gotta get back my old self.. the one who is thrifty.. hehe.. i was loaded back then.. i can travel anytime i want.. the $$$ +++ were there.. all was wealthy till i met "shopping'.. the art of shopping is so B.E.A.you.tee.FOoL.. I should've read the fool part..

i gotta stop shopping.. i gotta start saving, especially with this kinda poor economy..

talking bout poor economy, to all my fellow muslims and malays out there, pls do not get carried away by frivolicious and luxurious wedding.. mummy was listening to an interview with a wedding planner.. she mentioned that despite the poor economy, weddings amongst malays are still the high side.. as a wedding planner, she took account the budget of newly-weds-to-be.. some of them want such a grand wedding and "hotel" standards but she find it not realistic as the wedding still going to take place under the void deck.. and there are some couple who wanted everything and everything but still paying the bill/ not able to pay the bill because of the extravagant wedding..

i was very supportive of the wedding planner the moment she mentioned void deck.. i do not understand why malay wedding has to be extremely high profile, *could be a negative externalities to others*, but it was held under the void deck.. these weddings usually cost $10k per side.. with $10k, you could top it up a little bit more and take your degree, you could go europe, you could invest but NO! they would rather spend on a day of some stupid wedding celebration.. *i rest my case*

i am very assured that i wont be doing that or at least having my wedding under the void deck.. honestly, i find it pretty embarassing to be wed under the block.. *sheesh*

anyway couples fight and you will be thinking why in the first place you had the big wedding and end up fighting?

think about it

ahmar

2009-05-17T22:36:00.002+08:00

i feel "light" and a little relax now and have finished my report. that's cause i ironed my clothes early today. yeah!! so free today that i have been thinking, yes again, about work. i have been asking myself questions that made me feel negative. i thought that i've thunk too much (hee hee) but then again, i realized that the asst hr manager loves to tai chi work. she's yet another lazy pig and yes, she looks like a pig. still young and yet so aunty. goodness!! her english is so bad that i thought it was a joke each time i read it.

anyway, getting back at being negative. i dont remember being such a negative person growing up. i realized that i have so much frustration at work that i have turned extra rebellious and negative towards my colleagues. well, let's not forget that i have a very kay-poh colleague and an insecure-rubbish-talker-who-cant-work-scared-of-and-doesnt-want-to-learn-technology-matured-and-very-old colleague. boy that was the longest description i've ever written *hee hee* .. i dont feel motivated at all working with my colleagues. thank god that there are other people who adore and love me. *god bless them for making my stay long*

i'm still trying to find myself in the working life. my director made a "public" comment in front of all HR-ians that "we should have HR Toastmasters club and aisah should be in it cause she loves to talk" .. That doesnt sound good but at the same time very motivating cause i'm recognized. i'm not that another worker in the office. i felt like a team player. *see, im smiling already*

smiling, yes.. already i'm thinking and organizing my thoughts on what i'm going to do tomorrow at work.

after the sharing session on the HR Summit, i felt motivated to move on. I want that positive aisah i used to be. I know i'll be just that cause that girl hasn't grown up.

LET'S BE POSITIVE!!

ahmar

2009-05-04T01:18:00.003+08:00

My Jakarta trip with colleagues went well. So well that none of us want to go back.
A summary of our itinerary:

Reached Thursday night had supper by the roadside *forgot name of place*. We ate Nasi Uduk. Boy the food was GGOOoooooodddDDD!! XD

Friday:
Swimming lah can? shopping, eating every 2hours (A&W!! yummylicious can or not?!), shopping again and foot massage

Saturday:
Swimming lah can? shopping again lah eat some lah.. dinner with Mbak Iming's family in a fancy Indonesian Restaurant, shopping and eating lah can?

Sunday:
Full body massage (excuse me this is the Ultimate Highlight of the trip lah!) So shiok man.. And returned home.. haizz.. i wish i have a tai-tai life.. heee heee..

Praying hard trip to Cambodia is a success..
Jun & Aug to KL..
December to Solo..
I shall start with small trips..
Mar 09 - Perth with family
June/July/Aug - Go back Jakarta (balik kampung)

Very tired now..

Gotta go to sleep..

May Allah guide us all..
Amin......

ahmar

2009-04-22T21:12:00.001+08:00

i hate my job now..
i hate it so much..
life sucks..

ahmar

2009-03-29T19:55:00.002+08:00

i didn't realize this till i told cousin Dot about this song.

no me doy por venciendo = i am not going to give up (or something along that line)

I thought the song was about a boy not giving up on a girl yada yada but no.
the song is about not giving up..
yes, bro, it is a motivational song for me along side with para que to no llores asi, una cancion de antonio carmona..

not giving up is tough for me right now..
leaving will affect hell a lot of people..
just like breaking up, there can never be a perfect/ good timing to it..
so...... yes or no?
i'll do my prayers..

*frustrations*

uno: i wish the two old aunties would stop matchmaking me with some loser at work. hey you two old aunties, if you like him so much go get your nieces or unwed sisters to go with him. i don't want him. i want nothing to do with such a fucking loser. eeek!

dos: cousin T is always travelling and i envy her so much. I have been looking for a friend who loves to travel and nobody seems to be into it. I asked a friend but gosh! she is so bloody married to her job, the rest are history.. *fuck it* no one avail to go kL on good friday!!!!!!!

tres: mi amigo es no hablando para mi!! muy triste!! aún él viaja por el verano..

cuatro: no novio.. por que? porque no amigo a viajar.. shitz lah!!!!!! baja alberto!!!!

all the frustrations!!

urgh~

happiness:

luis fonsi is such a great singer/ musician.. *heart hearthrob*
con bisbal, carmona y fonsi alrededor, consigo para ser feliz.. escuchándolos, eso es..
"aqui estoy yo, abriendote mi corazon"
ah amor esa palabra.. corazon.. muy bella, no?
ahora estoy en el amor..

jeje..

ahmar

2009-03-29T00:23:00.000+08:00

May Ayah get well soon

ahmar

2009-03-21T15:35:00.002+08:00

i am still thinking on whether to go for the BBQ.
it's raining very heavily accompanied by thunders after thunders and lightnings.
and i have not been spending much time at home AND i'm TIRED!!
bollywood on tv later at 4pm.
no idea what they are gonna show.
while blogging, im watching A Goofy Movie form youtube.
and yes it is still raining heavily.
i have all the reason to stay home and feel cozy.
eat lunch with mummy etc..

still in the kitchen, i heard from mummy that the guy who washes the flat was a boy.
somewhere of my youngest sister's age.
i felt pity for that boy instantly.
mummy emphasized that it was not a filthy job.
i couldn't agree more
but i was sad for the boy and can't help feeling a little guilty.
at that age, he is not staying home or out with friends but working cleaning the flat.

here i am, unhappy with my life and my job.
i feel ashamed.
if only i could do something for mankind.
change things.

i have always wanted to build a school in places like Indonesia or third world countries where kids can't even afford to go to school.

i am a very fortunate person. i have everything.

ahmar

2009-03-18T00:05:00.002+08:00

para que tu no llores playing again..

sisi bought oreo cupcakes from her friend.. it was nice.. *note to self: gotta control my eating habits..* giggles .. nothing funny about it.. i gotta lose weight.. scaring myself..

evil twin, i gotta stop my fries department..

im so tired and there are still so much work to do..
i have not started my spreadsheet..

its midnight now and i have not gone to bed..

*suspiro*

y
mi amigo no responde a mi..
muy triste..
por k?
k he hecho yo y que hice yo?
el es mi amigo.. pero quiza no..
aprendi que en vida tenemos que abrazar a que viene nos.. con una sonrisa..
Allah es conmigo.. en mi corazon..

ahmar

2009-03-14T01:45:00.002+08:00

palabras de amor
es lo que necesito ahora
no novio, yo me siento un poco solitario
*suspiro*
¿Cuándo tocará me a mí?

Ah dios..
Ayudame..
Muchas gracias

ahmar

Para Que Tu No Llores

2009-03-14T01:30:00.002+08:00

Ole Antonio!
esta canción da mí espero en la vida.

Para Que Tu No Llores (con Alejandro Sanz)

(Antonio Carmona)
Se fue con las arenas del mar
buscando su destino
palpito entre las sombras sin mas
y nado en el vacío
reina el silencio en este oscuro lugar
nada es eterno todo llega al final.
Tan solo que busqué que busqué
lo que este mundo me duele y me da.

Para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará
para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará.

Me muevo con la gente que va
cargada de recuerdos
confío en la persona que da
su amor sin conocerlo
aun queda tiempo para echarnos atrás
no me preocupa si te encuentro al final
tan solo sé que busqué que busqué
lo que este mundo me duele y me da.

Para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará
para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará.

Bis.

(Alejandro Sanz)
Se fue con las arenas del mar
buscando su destino
y entre las sombras sin mas
y tirado en el vacío
reina el silencio en este oscuro lugar
nada es eterno todo llega al final
tan solo sé que busqué y que busqué
lo que este mundo me duele y me da.

(Los dos)
Para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará
para que tu no llores así
no pierdas la esperanza se que llegará llegará.

ahmar

2009-03-04T00:35:00.002+08:00

when you have done a lot for someone, you don't expect anything in return.

but i think there must be a line drawn.

recipient, please such an ass.

here we are catering to your needs and there you are telling other people who doesn't know the giver that he/ she is prone to mistakes.

what an ass my boss is.

asshole..

God will deal with you when you are dead.

ahmar

2009-03-01T02:49:00.000+08:00

i will be in cloud nine listening to this song......
ole bisbal!

Quiero perderme en tu cuerpo
Como agua clara en un bosque de sol
Mirar tus ojos inciertos
Donde sembrara mil sueos de amor.

Quiero beber en tus labios
Esa caricia de luna y de miel
Y descubrir el encanto
De la pasin que se esconde en tu piel.

Quiero pintar con tus besos
Un cielo de estrellas sembrado de luz
Buscar abrigo en tu cuerpo
En la noche eterna de tu juventud.

ahmar

Quiero saciar mi locura
En la tibia playa de tu desnudez
Para llenar de ternura
La inocencia pura de hacerte mujer.

Quiero escapar por tu vientre
Para nuevamente llenarme de paz
Que es tan inmenso tenerte
Clavada en mi pecho
Como una verdad.

Quiero entregarte mis aos
Mis ganas de amarte
Mi fuerza y me.

Quiero llegar con tu mano
Al rincn sagrado que siempre so.

Quiero pintar con tus besos
Un cielo de estrellas sembrado de luz
Buscar abrigo en tu cuerpo
En la noche eterna de tu juventud.

Quiero saciar mi locura
En la tibia playa de tu desnudez
Para llenar de ternura
La inocencia pura de hacerte mujer.

Quiero pintar con tus besos
Un cielo de estrellas sembrado de luz
Buscar abrigo en tu cuerpo
En la noche eterna de tu juventud.

Quiero saciar mi locura
En la tibia playa de tu desnudez
Para llenar de ternura
La inocencia pura de hacerte mujer.

2009-03-01T02:12:00.002+08:00

it was a tiring day today..

but a happy one..

friday, hung out with JBS.. finally!! it's like i've not seen them in ages..
we ate at swensen's, laughed, shared stories, laughed, made fun of everything we could, and do the other things we always do - laugh..

as many know that i have been soul searching recently and been doing loads of reflections, especially when i am alone.

been in touch with spanish again. it's time to pick up the language again especially now i have a "teacher". i can always ask him to correct my spanish. may Allah bless me in learning spanish.

i have decided to specialize in my career. i do not want to be a generalist. and i will work my way. by Allah's will, i will. i may not be as lucky as my friends when it comes to career. i do not have the opportunity to go outstation. i do not have the opportunity to travel out of the office, *and i do not want to go to MOM anymore*, and my pay is lowest amongst my SIM friends.

but i am still happy because i get to do what i want. the job matches my personality, which means that i get to have fun and work at the same time. the department i'm in is amazing as well. not forgetting the fabulous colleague. i may not have what my friends have, but hell i got a zillion interesting stories to share to them and thank you Allah i am not married to my job.

*a reminder to self to always be thankful with whatever i have been given*

i guess i am someone with loads of passion in everything i do.
nevertheless, all these are tagged by challenges. the greatest challenge of them all are my emotions. still try my best to combat my emotional rollercoaster.

my other big challenges are

to achieve what i have planned out
travel, if possible alone.. luckily i have planned two trips with my sister

i plan to start now. i had one year of learning my current job. now is the time to let it all out. i'm praying hard that i make no mistakes in my work. no slip and fall.... no.

another question poped-up in my head, "what about marriage?"
i feel that i shouldn't lay back in the subject but i really cant be bothered at the same time. at least i know Allah has found someone for me, only that he took the wrong turn and our paths have not crossed.

well.. so much thinking done and more to come.

for now, i shall carefully execute my wishlist.
after the hardwork if it still doesn''t work out the way i want, Allah has better plans for me.

ahmar

2009-02-28T01:11:00.001+08:00

So much anger and I still can't express it out!!!!!!!

URGH!!

i just asked a simple question and still busy..

whatever..

ahmar

2009-02-26T22:09:00.002+08:00

what's up with me these few days, weeks, months?

as much as i try to be positive about certain things, nothing is on my side.

as much as i try to win people's heart, i'm being doubted again.

what went wrong this time? i am so angry and i am not allowed to voice it out. let it burn on the inside. who cares right?

i feel so heartbroken right now.

i have Allah to talk to.

been having alone moments to get myself stable again. but i still feel heartbroken. how i wish i am like other people. but i am wrong to say that and i keep telling myself to embrace whatever that comes to me.

why is it so easy for others? no matter how difficult their lives are, it seems that im still worst off then them.

why are your lives easy, oh people?

ahmar

2009-02-22T19:58:00.002+08:00

these few days have been, ermm, very bollywood..
one show after another..
can't help it lah.. so loh-man-tick lah!!
have been watching shows starring abishek bachan and aishwarya rai..
i love their chemistry on screen.. a perfect pair..

shows like kuch naa kaho and guru.. really good shows.. hee hee..

these few days have been, ermm, all about food..
enough said..
i desperately need to control what i am eating..
gotta really lose a lot of weight.. *been saying that since a thousand years ago*
hoping to do some baking tomorrow.. say choco cake or something *flipping through cook books*....

maybe scones would be nice..

ahmar

2009-02-20T17:50:00.001+08:00

here i am..
seated at library@Esplanade..
alone..

LOVING IT!!!!!!

feels relaxing..

*sigh*

hell has yet to break lose..

data verifying.. Only Allah knows what my department is going through now..

ahmar

2009-02-10T00:24:00.002+08:00

I made a new online friend.
Alberto Morales Lorento.
He is a student from University de Alicante.

I thank Allah for sending me a new friend.

So much that we shared about each other's country. He told me a lot about Spain. It made me very motivated to go Spain.

I want to go Zara in Spain. I belong there. *wateva!!*

hehe..

anyway..

work is getting crazier and crazier each day..
im going nuts..

ayudame..

ahmar

2009-02-01T16:49:00.001+08:00

Taken from khairusown.blogspot.com
This entry was very motivating and inspiring that I had to put place in mine as a reminder as a Muslim.

ahmar

When a woman walks in the way of God

"That one set apart in the seclusion of holiness, that woman veiled with the veil of religious sincerity, that one on fire with love and longing, that one enamored of the desire to approach her Lord and be consumed in His glory, that woman who lost herself in union with the Divine, that one accepted by men as a second spotless Mary - Rabi'a al Adawiyya, may God have mercy upon her.

If anyone were to say, "Why have you made mention of her in the class of men?". I should say ... "God does not look upon the outward forms ... If it is allowable to accept two thid from A'ishah the Trustworthy, it is allowd to accept religious benefit from one of her hand maids (ie. Rabi'a). When a woman walks in the way of God ... she cannot be called a woman"

Taken from: Margaret Smith's, Muslim Women Mystics: The life and work of Rabi'a and Other women mystics in Islam (2001) cited from Tadhkirat al Awliya (Farid al Din Attar)

Happy Family?

2009-01-27T13:06:00.003+08:00

family..
familia..
keluarga..
jia ting..
____________________________________________________________________

any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins

-taken from dictionary.com-
____________________________________________________________________

the word family..
when you hear the word family, you think of all the warmth and coziness being together with all your loved ones.

sorry, that was just me fantasizing..

no such thing..

growing up, i was very close to my second cousins. my first cousins were roughly five to ten years older than i am. age gap. teenagers vs kindergartens, no same frequency. but that was ok. i was still a happy kid then. running around with my playgroup. then there was a family conflict between my dad and his cousins and siblings, and i do not see them till eleven years later.

by Allah's will, i reunite with them quickly after an sms to Cousin T.

all was pretty and sweet and happy till i got closer to everyone, again. it is by nature (and the devil's whisper) that many got jealous/ competitive/ etc etc over really really small things. i bet IT ring a bell to many. IT happens everywhere. not only that, when a family is so huge, there will be (and i can bet my life on this) cliques. every clique has there own leader and each leader lives by their own principles.

things has to done according to their own rules etc etc.. and when IT does not align, even WWE is not as entertaining. let's not go further into that.

i wonder if these leaders know what they are doing. i guess WWE is not entertaining enough. maybe they thought that if they could combine WWE with "Days of Our Lives", everyone could be on tv, and there will be fame and bling bling and ching ching and dickies and boobies...... ok my mind has gone further south *back to reality*.....

so what's their point? what are they trying to prove?
shouldn't my fantasy family be the real deal?
i guess to some families this is the real deal.

pretty sad eh?

but let's think of it as entertainment.
WWE and "Days of Our Lives", what could be a better combo than that?

hee hee..

ahmar

2009-01-12T22:32:00.000+08:00

james marsden is so hot lah!!!!

ahmar

2009-01-11T16:40:00.001+08:00

i am so sick and tired of my job..

it is taking my personal life away from me and i am not paid more..

damn the company..

ahmar

2009-01-07T23:50:00.002+08:00

Can't stand war.

made me tear.

Oh Allah, pls save the palestinians.

ahmar

2008-12-29T23:51:00.002+08:00

2008 is coming to an end..
i am looking forward to 2009..
the past shall be lessons learnt..
moving forward now..

2008..
hmmmmm..
I had a blast..
from convocation, to family trips, to getting a job, the so-called wardrobe makeover, gadget/ tech exploring, took off to genting last minute, and of course what make 2008 special was the love from many..

i still cannot forget my birthday celebration.
the sweetest surprise..
the tlc from pillar.. one of my most treasured friendship..
i dare declare that i have the most christmas presents in the office than anyone else.. hee hee..
thank you Allah for the love you gave me..

friends come and go..
sadly, those who made the effort to remember are non-Muslims..
but it's ok..
so much that i learnt from them..

Thank you Allah for showing me the truth..
The love from family, friends and cats, thank you Allah..

to all,
happy new year..
may 2009 be a blessed year for all..

ahmar & aisah

2008-12-23T23:11:00.001+08:00

be careful what you wish for, they say.
all my dreams are coming true.
all my needs and wants, I'm getting.
so fuzzy now..

all so fuzzy..

I'm tired..

ahmar

2008-12-14T01:45:00.002+08:00

now

for something very happy........

met up with hidayah for brunch.
we caught up with loads of things and minimal on work..
amazing..
went to the library, shop, shop and shop..
not forgetting laughing our ass off..
talking crap..
shop..

oh.. have so much fun..

liverpool drew with hull..
unbelievable..
man u playing against spurs..

abg dot declared a sad weekend.. lolx!!

life is sad for him..
wait till i see him tomorrow.. he will be a happy dude.. hehe..

hoping for a draw or man u to lose later..

man.. all the shopping and i forgot to buy presents for my nephew and tml having his birthday celebration..

naymind..
go thick skin..

muy bien

ahmar

2008-12-14T01:34:00.002+08:00

you know, it's very frustrating and irritating when people do not compromise. if they do a little, i don't mind. i don't even know how these people are so full of themselves that they never compromise to others and in the end we are to be blamed. and the WE i am referring to always give in, ultimately.

this week, i am full of those who are full of themselves. everywhere i go or talk to, it's all about them being down-to-earth, simple, "i-am-always-right", i-want-it-this-way, yada yada yada..

STOP IT!

enough!

everyone knows that i am always the giver. and i always compromise (AND THE OTHER PARTY ALWAYS NEVER GIVE IN TO ME EVEN THOUGH A LITTLE) unless i cannot afford to which is very seldom.

people, give me a break unless you are not human. even animals have heart..

on top of all this SHIT, i am going through the famous illness, middle-child-syndrome..

no need explanation..
the whole universe knows that syndrome..

enough people..

if any of you are hurt, let me know because i have accumulated a lot of things.

*tired of keeping quiet*

ahmar

2008-12-08T19:03:00.002+08:00

Yes!
Finished half of what I brought home to finish.
Or at least 3/4 of it.

Not ready to go back to work tomorrow.
So tired.

I guess IT IS TIME to move on.
But I still want to learn more.
50-50.
Cousin T said not to for now. But the next year is gonna be worst.

Happiness now.

no puedo dejar de pensar en unas personas.
por que?
no sé
esta Cenicienta no puede esperar más tiempo
donde eres?

Only Allah knows. Be patient.

ahmar

2008-12-08T00:36:00.003+08:00

Happy faces during D&D
Thank goodness none of them were drunk.. *giggles*

ahmar

2008-12-07T23:30:00.002+08:00

Still having trouble with my phone.
At least managed to transfer a movie after so long. *exaggerating*

Liverpool won 1-3 against Blackburn.
Muy bien, mis hombres! *have not said this in quite a while*
And Cuzz Dot did not watch it. Zzzzz..
I bet he is a little frustrated. hee hee..

Alhamdulillah, Aidiladha is here.
Sisi said she wanted to see the sheeps tomorrow. She will.. By Allah's will, she will.
Mum cooked really good food.
Tulang, mutton briyani, chocolate cupcakes ans swiss roll..
I really thank Allah for the good food.
I feel blesed.
Although I really feel that we should share the food.

Till now, I feel bad that I am eating good food.
I feel that I do not deserve to eat good food.
There are many others who do not get to eat, what more good food.
Alhamdulillah, there is always good food at home. Sometimes simple food but they are still good. Thank you Allah for giving me such a wonderful mother and all the rezeki you have given my family. I thank you, Oh Allah. Thank you for blessing my family with good food, always.

Even my cats have good food. Can't stop eating..

Alright..
time to sleep..

ahmar

2008-12-06T23:43:00.003+08:00

Liverpool playing against Blackburn right now..

I don't know what has gotten into me lately.
I just snapped at someone whom I do not know AT ALL.
Serves me right for getting a piece of that stranger's mind.
Boy he really told me off in a professional way. But he was affected by everything I said. LOL!!

I have this crave to just spend like there's no tomorrow.

Ahmar: Aisah, what the hell do you think you're doing?
Aisah: I know.. No more spending..
Ahmar: You better stick to what you said..

I know.. I freak myself out too. About talking to myself online that is.

Where was I?

Oh yes, spending.
I bought a new phone when I still LOVE my Sony phone. Simple it might be but it was handy and red and I still LOVE it. But too bad, gone.

Got myself a Samsung Omnia. Touch phone. A little complicated. Still figuring out the synchronizing thingy.

Went for a complete hair treatment and a haircut with Cousin T. She was just a little shock.

There is one reason on why I am spending so much.
Bonus and I am THAT stress. SO stress that I am going KOO-KOO.
I am getting out of hand. I get sour about just everything that comes in my way. I am extra mean to everyone. Negative aura all over me now.

Making myself happy now. PSP on hand, new phone with cool features, my darling Dolah and Chomot and of course family.

Cousin T: Fan, how you know you got moustache?
Fan: Because Daddy say I got moustache.
*Everyone laughed*

How cute can that boy be? Therapeutic.

I'm trying to balance myself.
Not thinking about work at all over the weekend.

June over, December is here with wedding invitations again.
When will it be my turn?

I did not foresee that many will get married at one go. Or at least one after another. Although my predictions not many will further studies did come true. Honestly, one after another for a few years now.

Received an sms from a friend yesterday that she is getting engaged to the guy who do not deserve her at all. *She deserve someone way better*.. And by God willing, they'll get married next year. Hopefully no more surprise news. Please, no more weddings. I hate weddings. I know I would only invite less than 150 people for my wedding. *Think backyard wedding* Inflation, poor economy, no need big weddings. But before I can get into details, I need to find a man for myself. Hee hee..

Gosh Liverpool is a bit slow today. Balckburn doing well. Pederson on form.

Oh well.. What I can do now is to persevere, persevere, pray to Allah that he will bless me and guide me so as not to crawl to the wrong path. Amin. Just be patient, do everything with a smile.

I was told to take in everything I hate and end it with a laughter.

2008 is coming to an end. It has been a roller coaster ride for me. Hell, a lot of changes. So much change that most of my friends do not know that I grown so much. Should I think of a new year resolution which I do not fulfill year after year? No. I should change myself now. Start all the good habits. Like start exercising, getting enough sun for myself, be more disciplined.

hehe..

I love me.

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha to all my fellow Muslims....

ahmar

2008-12-05T20:07:00.002+08:00

It is pretty disappointing to know that respect is almost wiped out from the today world.
I was told by someone I know to take off my tudung, repeatedly.
Not that it hurt me or anything but even after much emphasis that I choose to wear because religious command, she still does not seem to, well, care.

She thought that I was too young to be wearing a tudung. She expected me to be very open. She told me that she do not expect me to be so "narrow" cause I am wearing tudung. Just because another one whom we know does not wear tudung, she expects me to be the same.

I am not affected. Only disappointed. *ironic.. i know*

Anyway, I love wearing tudung........

......................

It's been really crazy at work. I can't take the stress anymore. It is very hard for me now. Very very hard. My bosses are not very humane. I know many would say "But that's life". I know there are bosses who demand a lot from the subordinates but at the same time give some TLC etc back. It makes subordinates love working with them, not FOR them. Shame on those bosses who only think of themselves. *childish me again*

Only by thinking of Allah eases me now. I feel the tranquility.

Came across this quote, "Who hears the fishes when they cry?" by Henry David Thoreau.

I loike that quote.

Thank you Allah for my family.
Please bless them.
Amin

ahmar

2008-11-28T23:54:00.002+08:00

ya Allah

berat sungguh cobaan Mu..
berikanlah aku petujukMu..
aku hanya seorang hamba yang tersangat lemah dan hina..
tolonglah hamba mu yang kecil ini..

pls show me what's right,
pls lead me to the right path..

Pls forgive me, Oh Merciful One..

amin ya rabbal 'alamin

ahmar

2008-11-20T23:52:00.003+08:00

it's been tough..
i don't know why i'm still here..
i feel so sad..
i hate Communist a lot..
hate her to the very last bit of her..
that fucking bitch..
she is the only woman with long hair who looks like a man..
the uncombed hair..
everything about her is disorganized..
"oh.. can you remind me to yada yada yada"
fuck it lah..
i'm not your secretary, you bitch..

urgh..

that fucking bitch..
one more of her, and i'll resign immediately..

ahmar v pissed off and hates everyone from NTUC

2008-11-18T14:59:00.002+08:00

las pruebas uno dos tres..

bueno..

agradézcale Allah por la salud buena

stupid work..

i am on leave and you telling me on something not beyond my control?

i'm so tired and still feel sick..
what kind of colleagues and boss i have?
all rely on me and if anything goes wrong, I am to be blamed when they did not even check or take a peek at what I'm doing..

ahmar

2008-11-11T23:47:00.002+08:00

Just a little more to go.

Si se puede!

All will be fine..

Pillar wishes to come back. Oh Allah pls answer his prayers. Let him come back and ease our pain. Amin..

I miss pillar too, especially his TLC. I can only rely on him for TLC when work is bogging all of us down. Should he come back, he will be my life saviour, again.

hehe..

that cute boy..

i'm just hoping that he will come back....... soon..
and once he comes back.. throw it all back to him.. hehe..

*praying*

anyway....

family trip this weekend..
mss kopi session next tuesday (hopefully the very few of us can make it)..
sentosa the following saturday (will beep tan to lepak again)..

im glad that i don't forget my friends although i know at least one person has.
diss and curse him.. i don't even want to see his stupid face or hear his bloody voice..
stay away from me..
i give up on you..
i don't lose anything losing you..
i am indifferent towards you now.. i dont care..

ahmar

2008-11-04T23:56:00.003+08:00

November is here.

It is only 5th November and I've been asked many favours.

Note to all: I do not want to fulfill any favours now.
no, por favor.

I need time for myself. I need to be with me. I have not spend time with me.
Ok I've spoken too much.

Anyway......

It has been brought to my attention that a colleague of mine finds it hard to work with me. I don't blame her. I am one of those old people in the office love to categorize me, Gen Y. Even at home, my mum is trying her best to understand and adapt to Gen Ys. What is so challenging in managing Gen Y?

You go figure. We are a bunch of misunderstood and lack of TLC kids.

oh well.......

December is coming. I can't wait for the holidays.
D&D is this Sunday. Thank goodness Abang Dot is there to tell me what to match my dress with. Family short trip to Genting the following week. Finally! Out of the country. I have yet to collect my new passport.

Note to self: Collect passport this Saturday. Die die must collect.

Gotta find a nice cardigan for D&D, and makeup and accessories. :O

So ma fan being a lady but i loike *typical libran*

I love mbak iming.

ahmar

2008-10-28T21:43:00.002+08:00

it has been a loooongest october of my life.
happy and sad at the same time.

pillar no more.
that old hag has been tai ji-ing things around.

what the fuck.

anyway......

hari raya was a good one. family gatherings were great.
another family trip coming. oh i so need a break.

birthday was a sweet one. colleagues bought me a bouquet of roses and it came with a bear. the sweet sweet adorable bear. she wears a ribbon on the right. her dress has laces. she's monica isabel morientes. you can call her monica isabel. *giggles*

well, thanks a million for those who made my birthday a memorable one this year.. hehe..

moving on......

i need to get a life.
attend a class or something.
get involve in some activity.
like how twin has manga class.
i guess it is therapeutic for her.
i need something like that.

......

hung out with tan on monday. gosh i've never felt so good. the sun! ifelt good.. hehe..

well..
gotta sleep..

so tired..

tata~

ahmar

2008-10-09T00:14:00.002+08:00

Achooooo!!

I will take care of myself..

I can take care of myself..

but most of the time I choose not to cause I know there are people looking after me..

hee hee..

so what if I like the attention?

who doesn't like to be taken care of?

anyway........

open houses over the weekends..

Humm's 11 Oct
Ibu Limah 12 Oct
Cousin T's 12 Oct
Kak Nana 19 Oct

MSS Jalan Raya.. I find that a bit lame though.. We could've just meet up in someone else's house.. Oh well, the last time we did, someone was getting so emotional and hard up about it cause the couple invited their family.. Still feeling reluctant to go.. We'll see..

I've not met up with my Pinks for a very long time now.. I miss them so much..

Cute Karen and YT leaving soon.. Turbulence ahead..

Pillar and Mum migrating / migrated..
Missing them loads already..

Now now..

time to sleep..

Buenas noches
ahmar

2008-10-06T21:27:00.002+08:00

So stressed
so tired
hate competitions
hate it all

think.
nice.
think.
happy.

pillar no more pillar
but pillar will still be pillar
my beautiful man will still be my beautiful man

ahmar

2008-09-30T09:00:00.000+08:00

Kini by Feminin

(Berdampingan mesra dalam nyanyian hujan)
(Bagaikan dunia milik kita)
(Kini semua nyata)
Dinihari kian ku rasa
Ku imbas kembali waktu bersama
Segala kengan silam
Bagai berlaku semalam
Hujan membasahi kita
Ku rasa bagai tangisan gembira
Dan burung bagai menyanyi
Lagu cinta

Kini hanyalah tinggal kenangan
Tiada ku rasa dalam genggaman
Hanya terdaya mengimbas
Semua kenangan yang lalu
Tiada kata ucapan di bibir
Takku sangka kali terakhir
Kini kau tidak akan
Kembali lagi
*
Sejenak ku tersedar pilu
Hanya bayangan mu yang menemaniku
Tapi apakan daya
Tuhan penentu segalanya
Kesal rasa di hatiku
Kerna kali terakhir kita bertemu
Tiadaku melafazkan
Oh kata cinta

Kini hanyalah tinggal kenangan
Tiada ku rasa dalam genggaman
Hanya terdaya mengimbas
Semua kenangan yang lalu
Tiada kata ucapan di bibir
Takku sangka kali terakhir
Kini kau tidak akan
Kembali lagi

ahmar

2008-09-26T10:43:00.002+08:00

it was a cold morning to begin with..
i didnt feel like waking up..
on the way to work, the train has some technical issues and we were stuck for about 20mins in between simei going towards tampines..
nevertheless..
all's well till i see communist..
tsk!!
dun wanna talk bout her..
i feel like burning her whenever i see or hear her..
urgh!!
anyway..
twin bitch going dubai..
man!!
she'll be happy with her mismatched shoes..

and my boss forgot that i am in his team when other managers were doing their thank yous to their team members..

what the hell..

please pray for me..

ahmar

2008-09-25T22:47:00.002+08:00

more work again..
but what's new..
although communist gets on my nerve, i am trying my best to be professional..
i gotta move on..
work can neither finish nor end..

oh well..

praying hard that this time i get to go KL during the deepavali weekend..
i need a break..
i need the sun..
i desperately wanna get out of singapore..

hari raya coming..
not looking forward to it..

need more poems..

other than that.. i still love myself.. preparing myself mentally for 360 session with Cousin T..
it's not going to be nice but i know she can help me change..
moving forward..

i've been thinking..
about life..
when is my turn?
how will end up to be?
what is in store for me?
Only Allah knows, be patient..
Allah has the bestest plans for me..

ahmar

2008-09-24T21:12:00.002+08:00

it's been a very tiring week for me so far..
tin-tot's birthday is this Friday and bo's hari raya eve..
still thinking what to buy for them..
had to cancel so many trips!!!!!
why?!!
first my backpack trip in november has to go..
now my aussie trip no go also..
*sob sob*
i wanna get out of the country badly..

hari raya is coming..
no in the mood..
i don't like hari raya..
but then again, im thinking of the reunions..
ok........ maybe i do miss them after all..

tired tired tired

somebody help me..

enuff with the emotional baggage..
burn pillar for being so negative and not admitting that he is pushing work to me..

*mummy baking tarts*
yummmm..

time to sleep..

adios
ahmar

2008-09-11T22:07:00.002+08:00

I think I have placed this song in my earlier entries but now is a really good time to practice this song. I love them loads.

Emotions - Destiny's Child cover

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world tohold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side,
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've got a part of someone else
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world tohold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

And where are you now, now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow wherever you go
I'll cry me a river that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody left in this world tohold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

ahmar

2008-09-07T20:41:00.002+08:00

Alhamdulillah
Ramadhan has been good..
A different phase this year..
Alhamdulillah
HE is guiding me..

May Allah give me strength to complete this Ramadhan smoothly..

ahmar

2008-09-06T12:01:00.001+08:00

Juro Que Te Amo de David Bisbal

Ya No Quiero Respirar
El Aire Helado y Que Me Queme
Ya No Quiero Navegar
Y Naufragar Entre La Gente

Ya No Quiero Soportar
Seguirme Hundiendo Lentamente
Hoy Quisiera Despertar
Y Abrazarte Como Siempre

Mis Manos Sueñan Tu Piel
Mis Ojos Aún Te Ven
Mis Labios No Besan Ya
Y Mi Corazón Me Pide

Que Te Encuentre Donde Estés
Que Te Busque en Cualquier Lado
Por Que Sigo Enamorado
Y Nunca Te Quise Perder

Y Es Que El Tiempo Me Ha Engañado
Y Pasa Lento Frente A Mí
Por Que Mi Alma Se Ha Negado
A Seguir Viviendo Así

Por Que Juro Que Te Amo
Aunque Este Lejos de Ti

Ya No Se Como Ahuyentar
Este Silencio Que Me Atrapa
Ya No Debo Continuar
Con Tu Recuerdo Que Me Mata

Ya No Soy Ni La Mitad
De Lo Que Un Día Fui Contigo
Sin Ti Las Horas Se Me Van
Como Neblina Sobre el Rio

Mis Manos Sueñan Tu Piel
Mis Ojos Aún Te Ven
Mis Labios No Besan Ya
Y Mi Corazón Me Pide

Que Te Encuentre Donde Estés
Que Te Busque en Cualquier Lado
Por Que Sigo Enamorado
Y Nunca Te Quise Perder

Y Es Que El Tiempo Me Ha Engañado
Y Pasa Lento Frente A Mí
Por Que Mi Alma Se Ha Negado
A Seguir Viviendo Así

Por Que Juro Que Te Amo
Aunque Este Lejos de Ti

Y Aunque No Pueda Verte
El Milagro de Nuestro Amor
No Ha Dejado Que Muera La Ilusión
Pero A Diario el Corazón Me Pide

Que Te Encuentre Donde Estés
Que Te Busque en Cualquier Lado
Por Que Sigo Enamorado
Y Nunca Te Quise Perder

Y Es Que El Tiempo Me Ha Engañado
Y Pasa Lento Frente A Mí
Por Que Mi Alma Se Ha Negado
A Seguir Viviendo Así

Por Que Juro Que Te Amo
Aunque Este Lejos de Ti

Aunque Este Lejos de Ti

2008-09-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

what keeps me alive this few days?
Ramadhan
Allah's love
HIS blessings
Allah knows
Only Allah knows..

anyway..
been listening to Bisbal's new song, Juro Que Te Amo..
such a sweet song..
where's my prince charming..
this cinderella has been waiting..
LOL!!
i do need a prince charming..
that will be my motivation to continue to work now..
i have never felt so demoralized before..
ninguna moral..
soy muy triste..

Cenicienta que busca a su príncipe que encanta.. Donde eres?

wipe my tears

ahmar

2008-08-31T12:34:00.002+08:00

I do wonder..
I keep wondering..
I can't stop thinking..
If I can, I would..
I know I would..
me
me
me
me
me
me

I am me

ahmar

2008-08-27T21:42:00.002+08:00

¿Le tiene sentía jamás que nadie le desea alrededor?
tengo y soy..
¿por que soy no invitado? por que mis compañeros no piensan de mí..
triste eh..

pero moveré en

sea fuerte..

ahmar

2008-08-18T22:07:00.002+08:00

they say that good things take time..
but really great things happen in the blink of an eye..
you're one in a million..

ah.. nice song by hannah montana..
yeap yeap..
still listening to a kiddy pop song..
it's nice, light-hearted, sweet and makes me happy..
hee hee..

i didn't feel good at work..
i'm just waiting for the right time..
but looking at pillar, i do pity him..
pls give my team a break..

ahmar

2008-08-15T21:18:00.003+08:00

i am such a dead duck..

i am so dead..

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

I really cannot take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!

SHOO!! go away!! shoo!! SHOOOoooooOOOO!!

2008-08-15T00:10:00.002+08:00

will it be the end?
it seems that the end is coming soon..
oh Allah pls help me..
i feel so lost..
Allahu rabbi..
lillahi taa'la..
fasting month coming..
may Allah bless my friends, family, my loved ones and me..

amin

ahmar

2008-08-12T22:00:00.001+08:00

james marsden so cute lah!!!!!!!

2008-08-10T16:07:00.002+08:00

he estado haciendo mucho pensamiento..
mi hermana me aconsejó empezar a viajar..
ah madre por favor..
quiero a viajar..

ahmar

2008-08-09T11:47:00.002+08:00

sometimes i can't help it but be a feminist.
if it is true that men are what i have seen so far, then i think men are sad being.
feminist i am but i am still trying to change my mindset and be more receptive with whatever that i am about to face.
i am very sick and tired of men and their pride and balls when they don't have balls to begin with.
physically of course they have but it is always women who would go forward when something has happened.
why men?
what's with your stupid pride/ ego?
ah..
i forgot..
they are the leader yada yada..

behind every successful man, there's a woman..
behind every successful woman, there's herself..

ahmar

2008-08-06T23:37:00.002+08:00

it is pretty interesting..
some people care about their pride more than anything else in the world..
it is really amazing..
some of my friends are that simple..
being the libran i am, i am hopeless..

hee hee

ahmar

2008-08-02T10:55:00.003+08:00

It is a good day indeed for reflections.
I have been thinking a lot these days.
I just want to list down all my flaws in this entry.
(not in order of ranking)

lazy
stubborn
freak
obsessed - can't let go of something easily
kay-poh - being curious for no reason
always think that I'm right unless I really don't know something
always in my own world
loud
show off
competitve for the wrong reason
always making assumptions
procrastinator
jeering
calculative
bias
unkind (yes, by unkind i am a mean girl)
bossy
selfish
disorganized
messy
clumsy
stingy
bad tempered
my way or the highway
the world evolves around me
unforgiving
lame
always trying too hard
over the top
jump to conclusion
control freak
inconsistent
do whatever i like
think too much when there's nothing to think about
rude
unsophisticated
forceful
childish
always doing things on the wrong timing
gullible
naive
fall to easily
not helpful
attention seeker
clinger
not emphatic

those are what i can think of for now. please let me know my flaws for a good course. thank you

ahmar

2008-07-31T23:47:00.002+08:00

I wanna go see meadow..
Pls hurry make it next saturday..

Lake of Fire by Nirvana playing in my head..

My team is pretty old school..
Maybe that's cause they are old school..
Songs from the 60s have been playing non-stop from their pc..
I have to admit I LURVE "Don't Cry Joni"..
Mummy's was favourite song is now one of my favourite songs..
I can sing that song over and over again..

I can bet they will be playing the song again tomorrow..

It Friday tomorrow!!!!!!!
Having lunch with Cousin T..
And I'm making sure that no one follows us for lunch tomorrow..
I miss her loads..
I don't know why but I really miss her a lot lately..
I miss hanging out with her..
I miss her son too..
His "Aunty Aisah.. Aunty Aisah" is so cute..
Ah that boy..
I feel happy with that boy around..

oh well its pretty late now..
new day tomorrow..
with the same shit..

ahma

2008-07-31T00:03:00.003+08:00

Another tiring day.
I hate work.
All the workload, never ending.
I need a break.
I need my cousin.
Maybe drink coffee with her when she comes back.
I never felt so close to her before.
Only gone for a few days and this is not the first time, and I miss her so.
Told twin bitch about it.
Cant share too many at one go or she'll explode.
hehe..
Pillar and hammy were in green.
They look good. But then again, Pillar also look good especially in white and blue.
*Ahmar a sucker for Raoul clothes!!*
I need motivation to go to work.
I hate all the workload.
Hate them all.
Sometimes I wish I could put a stop button and slow everything down.
I miss the mountains. The serenity when you're at the peak. The peace.
*I think ahmar needs her time alone now*
I need to be really alone and untouched.
Ms Libra's scales are tipping to one side now.
Was talking to RuL over dinner about my friend.
Such high tolerant level he has.
The tantrums I threw at him, amaze me so.
I feel blessed to have a friend like him.
They are teasing me at work again with Kental Boy. EeEewwww.. I don't like Kental Boy.
I think I need a partner or better still, don't entertain them.
Life's good cause I choose to love life.
Don't complicate life. Only you choose to complicate your own life. Live simple, think simple, everything will be simple.

Don't complicate life.

Soccer season starting soon in a few weeks!!!!!!! Yee Haaaaa~~

ahmar

2008-07-30T00:26:00.002+08:00

oh man i'm so tired today.
met up with Rul.
dinner was ok.
gotta meet up with Rul at Sembawang next Saturday. I better see meadow.
watching some cheenah show at lido with Da Jie Bri and Nadzahnadz.
the show better be good.
but then again Da Jie Bri and Nadzahnadz are going. i have good company.
hopefully to get a dress and 2 pairs of shoes tomorrow after the show.
*giggles*
milo is fitting in. she rocks. her birthday and mine are only 4days apart. NOW i have someone to celebrate with. I LOVE OCTOBER BABIES!!
have yet to meet henry. he better fix the dinner. better still, henry if you're reading this, go find the new DVDs to replace the ones you threw away. *sob sob*
oh my matt damon.
just remembered, need to return jersey.
be going sarawak, sabah and half a day brunei in november with Miss Lala.
maybe can return his jersey then.
dreamt of something.
still can't make out what it meant.
oh yah! still havent thank mbak iming and uncle humm for the dinner.
my guardians no dinner this month.
i guess i can slow down on the dinners.
need to find a better activity.

Night Festival
sistic gals were great. it has been ages since i met up with them. like since i resigned from sistic. they are still farnie as ever. played cards. hated the puppet show. watched hairspray. hated the crowd. GOSH! how many singaporeans actually appreciate arts?! so mad. in the office, only 3 of us really appreciate poetry, milo, fabio and mi. only 3 of us i know appreciate theatre, musical and plays, Da Jie Bri, twin bitch and mi. classical, thank god there's zaleha in the office to join me in loving classical pieces. now looking for someone who can appreciate paintings. i love paintings too. whatever people.

dozing off in front of my pc already.

tired.

el tiempo para dormir.

ahmar

2008-07-27T23:52:00.003+08:00

I thought I would not go through this episode, at least not now. But I am.
My cousin, The Da Jie of the Da Jies, has been bothering me with marriage issues, boyfriend issues, BGR and anything to do with having a partner. I told myself I should not let these things bother me but I guess the moment has arrived. *pukes* I don't want to start talking more on why I don't want one right now cause I will not stop defending myself. Da Jie said that I need to be more receptive to almost everything, which I am trying now. HEY! I got standards too, dear. There are some progress by the way. Anyway Da Jie has been indirectly pressuring me to get a partner. I shall just be that good girl and maybe, just MAYBE, start hunting. But of course I can't be too bothered about it.

Henry Christian is not allowed to comment on this topic. Just cause you are happy right now. *Thank goodness no tagboard*

Just cause all my other cousins are attached doesn't mean that I need one as well. But I will not be the last to get married. Nope, I would not be. It is indeed an interesting topic it is, marriage. I like flirting right now. *giggles* Cause friendship blooms from there and the friends-forever shit. It would be nice to have someone right now but I think I LOVE my personal space more. *Oops I am not suppose to defend myself*

Let me be try be that good girl for Da Jie. I will try to start looking, my dear. We'll see. And NO! Da Jie will not be matchmaking me with anyone although she has really very good judgement on every people she meets. Sorry darling, I'm doing my own hunting. hee hee......

Work tomorrow~ *whining* Dang!! Ahmar wants to be a princess so she would not have to work. Prince of Denmark, where are you? This cinderella has long overdue to be found. hahahaha.. *lame* Work, pay in, spend and the cycle continues. How mundane can my mediocre life be? No guys to see, no guys to see and no guys to see. Where's the motivation? LOL!! Man I'm really sounding like a flirt, am I? Nah.. I do have my own motivations. I have my twin bitch, my pillar, my senior rat, and the whole of office. But yes, there are no hot guys in my office. Here we go again on Monday. We'll see...........

*I don't wanna go to work!!!!!!*
But mummy, I don't wanna school today. I just wanna stay at home and bake cookies with you - taken form Spacejam Movie, Daffy Duck's line.

I love me

ahmar

2008-07-27T17:28:00.003+08:00

Flaws and All by Beyonce
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BK27o7EwaRI

I'm a train wreck in the morning
I'm a bitch in the afternoon
Every now and then without warning
I can be really mean towards you
I'm a puzzle yes in deed
Ever complex in every way
And all the pieces aren't even in the box
And yet, you see the picture clear as day.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
And that's why I love you [3x]

I neglect you when I'm working
When I need attention I tend to nag
I'm a host of imperfection
And you see past all that
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
and that's exactly what I need.

[Chorus]
I don't know why you love me
And that's why I love you
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
and that's why I love you [3x]

[a good friend he is and I did not see it. he see past all my flaws. have I lost you?]

ahmar

2008-07-27T17:14:00.002+08:00

Two amazing ladies..
I love this song..

Song: Tell Him
Sung by: Celine Dion & Barbra Streisand.

Ahmar

2008-07-27T17:04:00.001+08:00

We love loo-Lians!!

Muy delicioso, no?

hehe..

Estan muy feliz comiendo loo-lians

ahmar

2008-07-27T00:11:00.002+08:00

s t u c k a g a i n n e i t h e r h e r e n o r t h e r e

i t w i l l b e g o n e s o o n

w i l l i t ?

i a m h o p i n g f o r h i m ?

h e i s n o t w o r t h i t

n o w a y

ahmar

2008-07-24T13:08:00.002+08:00

Ya know, I take respect very seriously. Cause to me, it shows the upbringing and character of a person. I am a very easygoing person. But I just can't tolerate when I am forced to drink or eat something against my beliefs. Being persistent to make me take off my tudung adds on to disrespecting you also.

Go figure..

ahmar

2008-07-18T23:07:00.002+08:00

If you buy toto and you win 4D, now that's luck.

haha..

Sisi just told me.

hee hee..

Anyway..
Cancelled my outing to Sembawang park to avoid bumping into someone. Gosh i forgot i was even suppose to go to Sembawang Park. I thought the venue would be Bukit Timah. Next outing then. Again, I will make it up to you. hahahaha..

Had dinner with my friend. More things revealed. A lot of lessons she taught and shared with me. May Allah bless her. She was so into one topic for me, marriage. So much that she shared. Very grateful that she shared her thoughts. I get a better picture on what marriage is all about and not to choose just anyone.

On another topic altogether...............

I am not letting anything upset to get into me. I am not like that and he should know that. Allah will deal with you. I am in no position to attack or whatsoever.

ahmar *fuming*

2008-07-16T22:49:00.002+08:00

Another tiring day gone by.
New colleague.
Love her.
Miss Spunky Milo.
Milo is great. Easy to talk to. Yeah, easygoing lady.
She rocks.
Yes Pillar, I'm falling in love with her already. *giggles*

oh well..

I hate work now. Luckily Pillar is not very very moody these days. Cause I sure need a motivator at work i.e a lot of joking around and TLC. My twin bitch is doing a good job in making me happy. Altho I'd be happier if she doesn't stroke Pillar's ego. No one should let a man win in any conversation or argument. NEVER. But what would my life at work be without these two crazy nutcase nincompoops?

Twin and I found another theatre friend, Da Jie. We didn't know Da Jie loves plays, musical etc etc. Next show, we are going all out. *giggles* The last theatre I watch was Vagina Monologues. Yes, you've guessed it right. It was about vagina. It does sound porno but the whole play wasn't porno at all. Gosh they didn't even show vagina. And there was a deep message left behind for women. The catch was the play was in cantonese. I barely understand chinese, what more cantonese. Thank goodness there was subtitles except for the introduction. Oh that show tickle me silly. *Tickle me silly - taken from farhana, citation needed*

Anyway
Mummy got her new baju kurung. Boy she look gorgeous. THERE!! Those who thought that I can't take care of her. I have done a great job. Mummy was very excited when she got her new pair of spectacles. It suits her and we look exactly the same. OLE!! Amor mi madre..

Sisi and Abang cannot stop Les Paul-ing. Those who don't know what Les Paul is, go google it. Talking bout google. I guess this is the major difference between Gen X and Gen Y. I was mentioning google to twin but she doesn't understand the term. Yah, exactly, generation gap. There is such a big gap between the two generations. It's pretty fun to be Gen Y but of course the strings of challenges that comes along with it.

Wel.... it's 11pm now. Past my bedtime *giggles* and i LOVE my new skin. simple and reminds me of Abba.

vale
hasta luego todos
tome el cuidado

ahmar

p.s: ahmar still wants to be a princess

2008-07-15T22:13:00.003+08:00

Vindicated by Dashboard Confessionals playing now..

I love that song.
Vindicated..
I would want to vindicate myself now.
Life has been good. It is better to be happy with small things in life. You appreciate life more that way. I guess I've been too easy going at work. My colleagues are not taking me seriously with me wearing tudung. It's not that they don't respect me. It's just that my personality doesn't match someone who is wearing tudung. That's bad news for me. May Allah forgive me. I shall mellow down tomorrow. I am an open-minded person but I guess wearing tudung, I can't be too open, huh? I do feel a little sad bout that.

But life goes on.

Anyway had lunch with Berrr and Pillar. It was nice. For once Pillar need to stop being so observant. No one likes to be judged physically. I've asked around.

Work is good. Can't complain, can't say that it's the best job in the world either. Miss my ex-boss.
"A Whole New World"

Time for a new change now. The Libra in me is at her edge again. Pillar will be there to support. I know he will. Tomorrow is a new day. Like what everyone say, "New day, Same shit". It disturbs me a lot to be fire fighting. I like to get into the root of it all but who am I to change culture. The Square One might not guide me, but I have Hump and Jasmine to guide me and groom me.

oh well.. stupid office politics bore me to death. childish people. or maybe should i say shallow? yes shallow.

i'm in touch with my arts side again. thanks berrrr. theatres are so much fun to watch, now that there's berrr. freaky enough, we have the same mentality about our passion. Miss Latino and Miss Japanese. From two different world.... hehe..

oh well.. forseeing more theatre plays in future..
muy bien
soy feliz pero el hecho mi corazon que rompe.

el tiempo para dormir
sueno de mi

ahmar

2008-06-19T23:19:00.002+08:00

it came true.
i dreamt of grandpa's grave even though i have never visited him at his hometown.
it was a sad moment.
it is my first time to tanggerang/ jakarta.
it is not my bestest trip so far.
a lot of things happen.
from laughing to talking to screaming to eating to walking to the reality show.........
god parents were great.
bo and i were taken care of.
it was an eye-opener.
things that i see on tv, came true.
so much that i gained but still helpless.

the happy moments.
dufan was nice.
the rides were good.
similar yet different.
bahasa indonesia is nice.
mi cousins and i picked up the language in less than a day.
i guess it's in the blood.
all the different kinds of food.
urap has never tasted so nice.
went with one luggage.
came back with two.
bo and i are proud of ourselves.
not enough shopping though.
hehe.

all in all.
liked the trip.
enjoyed the company.
the bonding, i'll never trade for anything else in the world.

love u, family.

ahmar

2008-06-12T23:51:00.002+08:00

And it breaks my heart to go to work tomorrow.
Such sadness.
Can the complains stop?
Why me all the time?
Why me?
The more I try to avoid, the more it will come to me.
Such sadness.
I feel like a screw up.
Oh Allah, I really need a break.
I need a breather.
So sad.

ahmar

2008-06-02T23:47:00.003+08:00

I thought this episode would not bug me.
It is starting soon.
My mum is not worried.
But everyone else is.
The most common question that everyone is asking me now......
"Aisah, when are you gonna have a boyfriend?."
*Aisah giving that look*
I will let it come naturally.
Generally, I am not looking for one.
I'm not ready to get married and settle down.
But I am not shutting myself up from people.
When the time comes, it comes.
I may have someone in mind, but who am I to pursue.
No, I am not chasing.
Unless I just wanna be friends.
No need the pressure.
All I need is to get married and my life will look very complete.
But I wanna enjoy first.

ahmar

2008-05-19T20:02:00.002+08:00

June is coming.
Loads of wedding invitations.
Mi primo se casa en junio.
Mi hermana de amigo se casa en junio.
Mis amigos también.
¿Por que se casa en una joven edad?
Ahora sea el tiempo de divertirse.
Of course, it is just me. Mí y mis pensamientos.
Deseo tengo divertirse. Tengo tantos amigos ya casa. I am not ready.

Life is funny

ahmar

2008-05-19T14:16:00.003+08:00

"I'm not a nerd, bart. Nerds are smart." - Milhouse Van Hounten

"Oh, so they have internet on computer now." - Homer Simpson

"My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a pornstar." - Abraham Simpson

LOL!!

ahmar

2008-05-16T23:15:00.003+08:00

¿que pasa?
muérase
hermana mayor: chica, no diga eso.
tiempo lleno, él ha sido ofrecido. soy espantado. realmente realmente espantado.
¿dónde es mi hermana cuándo yo la necesito?
soy espantado realmente.
le odio.
¿por que siempre mi?
no es diversión.
odie mi trabajo. siempre hacer el mismo error. triste también. debo mejorar. realmente debo. no digo muero. aunque mi corazón es sufrimiento. debo mejorar.
mi hermana mayor es mi inspiración. gracias mi hermana. te amor mucha..

OLE AHMAR!
OLE AISAH!
no abandone fácilmente!!
¡Mate mate mate!
venga en! mataremos todo que arruina nuestro vive..
Lucha! Lucha! Lucha!
Aye aye aye!!

ahmar

2008-05-14T21:58:00.002+08:00

Camina y ven,
que estoy desesperado,
que sueño con tenerte aquí a mi lado,
no olvido tu querer
tu cuerpo de mujer
ya ves que soy un loco enamorado de tu piel

Camina y ven,
que muero de agonía
sabes muy bien que pronto serás mía
el tiempo se nos va y nunca volverá,
ven que mi corazón no puede mas

dreamt something unpleasant bout my friend. if you are reading this, beep me. anyway..
bisbal still inspires me to continue loving spanish.. hee hee.. OLE!!

ahmar

2008-05-12T22:36:00.000+08:00

cloud 9
piano
romantic

ahmar

2008-05-06T22:30:00.003+08:00

Today's lunch was good..
I laughed till I dropped..
All went "ku-ku"..

"You put the lime in the coke, you nut and you shake it all up"

Been quite happy these week, so far.
Pillar made me happy..
Da Jie made me happy..
The Xiao One made me happy..
Round one made me happy..
Suan Queen made me happy..
Ley Ha ah Ley Ha made me happy..

And they are still gonna make me happy in the future.. I can feel the TLC now.. hee hee..

Anyway..

May birthday gathering.. Family chalet again.. Can't wait!!!!!!
Family gatherings are so much fun..
All the gossips from my gals, teasing, soccer trashes.. I miss my peeps already..
Abangs, Kakaks, Gossip Darlings.. Yellow day for this gathering.. yee haa~

ehem...

What happens when you get comfortable with someone? It is a nice feeling, isn't it? I like it. It gives me a sense of security. I like my friends to be comfortable with me. Thank Allah people are comfortable around me automatically. Sometimes I am tempted to tell them not to be thick-skin. Yo me siento su calor. Quiero que eso sintiéndose. Tengo miedo que yo me caeré para él. Cada vez él es alrededor mí, yo me siento como lo abrazar. él está bastante caliente.

How?
Cow?
Chow?
OW!!
ROTH
BROTH
FROTH

"The How Empire Strikes Back"

ahmar

If only I could turn back time

2008-05-03T17:31:00.003+08:00

Trouble comes
Shoo!
Now stay calm
Phew~

If I could turn back time, life might not be this way.
I would not do what I did.
I would not disappoint the people around me.
I would not speak and behave that way.
I would be more receptive to many other things.

oh pillar sweet pillar
what more can I say?

ahmar

2008-04-26T11:44:00.001+08:00

Akazukin Cha-Cha has never been so funny

HAHA!!

ahmar

2008-04-25T23:33:00.001+08:00

i like this skin

ahmar

2008-04-12T19:47:00.000+08:00

DO NOT GO TO TAGBOARD

TAGBOARD LINKING ERROR

MUCHAS GRACIAS

ahmar

2008-04-12T19:43:00.002+08:00

new skin
raspberry red
problem with tagboard
random raspberry
rad

didn't return gown today
too tired
raining
migrane
veins on neck and shoulders really really tense
very very tense
need massage
badly
tomorrow return gown
beep me

work crazy
busy
ad-hocs
mountains
crazy
me
pillar will still be there
for now
future
no idea
thanks to pillar

ahmar

the average geRLLLL

My Heart Aches

Ages

Everybody's gonna love today, love today, love WEEKEND!

I Gotta Feelin' Ooh Ooh

Pain Pain Pain

New Beginnings

A Year in Review

Frustrations, Frustrations and More Frustrations

Fame! i wanna live forever!

OOOOoooo

Para Que Tu No Llores

Taken from khairusown.blogspot.comThis entry was very motivating and inspiring that I had to put place in mine as a reminder as a Muslim.

When a woman walks in the way of God

Happy Family?

If only I could turn back time

Taken from khairusown.blogspot.com
This entry was very motivating and inspiring that I had to put place in mine as a reminder as a Muslim.